Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
