I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
