no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
