Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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