you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
