Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
