New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
