May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
