Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
