I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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