Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
