I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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