he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
