She went from zero to smokin in five shots
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
