the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
