HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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