Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
