So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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