I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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