4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
