It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
