My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
