At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
