Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
