the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So much rum. So many feels.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
