You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
