I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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