I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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