If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
