I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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