Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
