she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize