i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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