I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
