New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
