so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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