So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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