you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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