dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
