I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My vagina is officially offended.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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