Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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