I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
