She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
