Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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