my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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