apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
