you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
