u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
