Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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