Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
