My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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