btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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