My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
