I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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