Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
