I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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