or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize