My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
