Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
