i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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