I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
