its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
