I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
