i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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