i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
