I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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