Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
