i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
