I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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