So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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