In the future we'll all be gay
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
