i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
vagina is talking i cant
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
