Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
