How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
