So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
