soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
