last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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