We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
