There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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