my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
