No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Less talking, more tequila
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
