glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
