My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
