And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
