This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Less talking, more tequila
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
