Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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