I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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