hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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