Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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